This morning I took an old photo out of a frame to replace it with a more recent one of friends. Behind the photo was a different photo that I don't remember leaving there. It's of Jamie and I sitting in the back of the Modern Machines van with two other friends. I look like hell, Jamie has his hands behind his head, smiling satisfied at the camera. Awesome.

surround self with people you love [check]
quit shitty job [check]
travel within reason [check]
find own personal haven (studio) [check]
put out records that don't suck [check]
draw a lot [check]
collaborate with others, working towards positive social change in your immediate community [check]

stressed and exhausted as ever, this city is god-awful, but can I REALLY complain? nothing is scarier than a certain future, so I'd rather be anxious in the uncertainty for now.

Date:	2008-07-12 11:32
Subject:	weekend
Security:	Public
Mood:	blah
Music:	American Steel

There's some sort of parade going by. But our living room window is on the backyard so I can't SEE it but I can at least hear the snare drums and trumpets blaring. I don't know why this ever happens in my quiet neighborhood, but it does.

Genie is in Providence this weekend and I'm jealous. I would've gone with her but I thought she was just going to Rhode Island and not the city I miss specifically. She just walked past my old apartment and started texting me. I'd rather be there right now, but whatever.

What I need right now is my drafting table, the Radon live record and some sun. Not to mention reference photos. I don't know how I committed to so many shows in three months but I did so now there's work to do! hoo-ray. Roof beers happened last night with a few other folks and my roof is the greatest thing to happen ever, apparently. I want to invite people over to watch the sun set all the time. It's just gorgeous.

Also everyone should go listen to "And The Weathermen Shrugged Their Shoulders" by The Ex. Amazing shit.

Four weeks until Seattle!

So I work so much or am in jersey so much that I feel incredibly left out sometimes. I don't know how I don't spend more time with my friends, but right now I feel like I'm already wasting too much time socializing. I work 40 hours a week at a "real job" plus at least another 20-30 on my own work and band stuff. That, for lack of a better term, is TOTALLY RETARDED.

Between now and the Fest, my life and work habits are going to change a LOT. On top of going out to Seattle and probably not wanting to come back. And somehow all I can think of is how hard I have to work this week....

this is a really busy summer and I have to get artwork ready for the following things:

Pedal Printing launch show - Buffalo, NY
The Big She-Bang - New York, NY (ABC No Rio)
The Fest 7 Art Show - Gainesville, FL
Show Paper Art Show and Cover - Brooklyn, NY

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this rules.

Date:	2008-06-10 11:19
Subject:	this is how it's supposed to be
Security:	Public
Mood:	sick
Music:	paul baribeau

Where even though I don't like New York all THAT much there are weekends when friends show up from out of town and hang out all weekend, where I sit outside Lost and Found reading comics, where I meet some cool new folks and spend all day drawing on a Sunday. It was hotter than hell and now I'm really sick but hey, there's got to be a trade off I guess, right?

I got to meet Jeff Lemire and talk to folks like Sean Ford and Nate Beaty again. My friend Mike Cavallaro was there selling his new comics as well as my good friend Danny's amazingly talented lady-friend Tara. I bought things from all of them along with Gabby's book and new comics from Nate Doyle.

I spent far too much money but keep telling myself it's worth it, for inspirational purposes. I'll never forget, though, when I asked a certain indie publishing bigwig a few years ago about going into independent publishing he responded "Don't. Just...don't." encouraging!

'scuse me I have to go back to not drawing and pretending I like being at w-o-r-k right now.

Date:	2008-04-05 15:17
Subject:	dreams and things
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful
Music:	RADON

Last night I had a dream that I was watching a video of my band playing at the Lanes and every once in a while my voice would switch to sounding EXACTLY like Allison from Discount. And I would think "wow, they're right! I do sound like her!" Except in real life I don't, at all. I found this hilarious.

I started working on the New Brunswick 3 Day zine, looked up, and two hours had gone by. I love when that happens. I'm going to do little illustrations of basement doors to go along with it and all the headlines/subheads are going to be the stencil letters I use on drawings. Cute.

Sam from Florida sent me a really good mixtape containing songs by This is my Fist, TWO by Dillinger Four, Radon (which I requested), Monikers, Shang-a-lang, One Reason, Tiltwheel, BENT OUTTA SHAPE, The Replacements, HWM, etc. etc. and not ONE song by Jawbreaker. Everyone puts Jawbreaker on mixtapes and right now I don't need to listen to how I should've been kissing you or how I built this life and now it's mine. This kid wins. He's in the band Troublemake and they're playing with us at Lost and Found in June. A

Old friends are in town from Providence and Portland, who make good music and comics respectively, which makes me psyched on just about everything.

okay, back to work. head down, power through.

this guy sounds like a prick

I think living off the grid, traveling, living in a motor home, etc. etc. is a wonderful, amazing thing. It's something I really really wish I could do myself. Unfortunately my need for health insurance that doesn't blow is keeping me in a "real job" situation for the time being.

but this type of living is far from new or worthy of public donations. if it were, a lot of my friends would be asking for grants for hitch-hiking or hopping trains. If you're going to live off the grid, do it because you love it and need to live that way to be happy. not because you want to get on the national news.

what a douchebag.

Date:	2008-02-23 09:53
Subject:	doing nice things for family
Security:	Public
Mood:	optimistic
Music:	scenes from an italian restaurant

I never really had any money before and couldn't really buy nice things as gifts for my family or, you know, even take my parents out to dinner or something. and they knew that and even if I'd TRY they wouldn't let me pay for it. but that's kind of different now?

For Christmas I bought my sister two tickets to see Springsteen.

Now I just bought tickets for all four of us (mom, dad, chrissy) to go to a concert at Shea Stadium this summer for music that I grew up on and my parents always loved. It's too geeky to mention, but we're all really excited. I don't think we've done anything "as a family" in a decade, and it was MY idea, of all people.

I mean, I don't even want to LOOK at my credit card right now, but I think it's worth it. I've always loved making gifts for people ::cough::mixtapes::cough:: but this is a bit above that. Thank you full time job!

Date:	2008-02-14 13:45
Subject:	for the record
Security:	Public
Mood:	accomplished

I don't write in here very often but I'd like to just state, for the record, that things are really fine right now. I went to sleep the other night very glad about pretty much every aspect of my life, as much as I can be right now, and that felt really good. I have good friends and a decent band and my bike and good records and art supplies and a job that gives me health insurance and a STUDIO for chrissake. A+

I mean, the world may be going to shit, but at least I'm holding up fairly well. I feel like being "happy" right now for anyone is quite a feat, with all there is to be thinking about. I'm being very positive right now for an amazing cynic. I've been meeting very inspiring people lately, and that's exciting.

Okay, tour in three weeks and all is well.

Date:	2008-01-13 21:27
Subject:	i was very productive today
Security:	Public
Mood:	annoyed

tonight I am staying in, reading Cometbus, and listening to records.

Date:	2007-11-07 08:04
Subject:	more enlightened
Security:	Public
Mood:	awake
Music:	Potential Johns

I heard from Danny. He's biking across Tibet right now. THE DUDE IS BIKING ACROSS TIBET.

He sent me a postcard from Nepal, right before he was about to embark on this incredibly journey. He's spent a bunch of time in Ashrams over the past couple months and now he's ready to ride. It put my mind at ease to know that he's safe and happy and probably more centered than I'll ever be. People like him help me get over any personal issues and just do things, as he says, out of need, not desires.

I hope he comes back here soon. This place needs a great person like him.

it has come to my attention that there is no way on God's green earth I wouldn't be able to afford to live in Providence, pay for health insurance, and probably have a car too. how many days till March 1st again? We're writing an album and I'm getting the fuck out.

March, people. I want a backyard and a fire pit and a nice house and lawn chairs and a garden and a studio and friends and shows and Naragansett tallboys and cobblestone streets and everything that is totally NOT in Brooklyn. I am TIRED OF THIS SHIT. It's been a year and I still want to move back more than anything.

things that currently SUCK

-being told I maybe "can't" go on tour by my job, meaning I have to quit my job
-having to find a new job
-my favorite bar in Providence is closing on Wendesday
-someone who has the ability to ruin my mood instantly will be at the big World/Inferno show we're playing
-being TERRIFIED

things that currently RULE

-someone to hang out with
-new records coming out
-mixtapes to be made
-TOUR!

::breathe:: for the record, I am very close to a panic attack.

I think it's right to make decisions based on what will make you happy. As in, not staying in shitty situations just because you don't want to ruin good thing #1 when half of it makes you miserable. I don't believe in giving up really, and I like that quality about myself. wanting to work through things. but at what point do you just say "fuck it"?

While there are plenty of things I don't miss about tour, I now feel really boring. I've gotten used to a set of people and jokes and songs and it sucks that I have to go back to being busy all the time. Now let's concentrate on getting back out on tour in June I suppose. I can't imagine what it'll be like to go back to all those places a second time and know exactly where to go and what to do. I want to get out to Michigan soon and go back to Cleveland, Mississippi and Conway, Arkansas. Somehow Williamsburg just doesn't stand up.

now, how in the world do I get my alarm clock to say "answer your telephone"??

oh, and photo blog

fuck
fuck fuck fuck

I do want to go to grad school

I do want to go for fine art

I want to go for it, do what I've always wanted, and really get my shit in gear, get educated, and spend two full years of my life working on my capacity as a visual artist in preparation to do that all day, every day, for the rest of my life.

Columbia University is looking pretty great, $35 fucking thousand dollars.

I bought a few soft-bound journals to just write in, analyzing articles/books I read in relation to my work. Hopefully this will help. damn.

Date:	2006-04-15 13:05
Subject:	stand up, sit down
Security:	Public
Mood:	calm
Music:	Sticks and Stones - Saved

*** I Won't Shut Up I Won't Go Away tattoo 2006 in effect sometime this weekend

*** Gorilla Angreb is the best thing ever

*** Some people still call Jack Terricloth Pete and it freaks him out because neither are his real name

*** NYC can kiss my ass, my Providence companion will keep me company through summer weekends

*** Bent Outta Shape at 5am while drunk on Rum and Coke with said companion is brilliant

*** This sunlight is amazing, I'm going to go buy new shoes and sundresses today

Terre: This is my friend John Spencer!
Me: Hi! Nice to meet you! ::shakes hand::
(I think - wow, that is one handsome man...)

Me: Terre, what's his name again?
Terre: I'm trying to act cool. JOHN....SPENCER. Of the Blues Explosion.
Me: HOLY SHIT.

agdladklsasldk hahahahahaha